I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize