I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
