Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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