remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize