Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
