Got a toothbrush?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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