well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
