I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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