worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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