Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
