if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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