i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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