Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
