I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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