shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
