How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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