her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.