between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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