My hair reeks of homosexuality.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!