If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
