return my video game
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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