I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
