you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
