Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
