I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
