Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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