He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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