Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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