Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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