he laminated a picture of his dick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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