so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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