Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
