What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
