This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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