That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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