its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
