WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
