your room smells of hookers.
And success
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
