when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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