Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This house was built for laser tag.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
