Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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