remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
