just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm always down for nudity.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
