I just saw a hot homeless man
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
