i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
