What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
