We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
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Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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