Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
