WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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