We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
