Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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