so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
And then he peed in my hair
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