U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Randomize
