Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
