I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
