You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
