Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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