I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
