When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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