went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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