I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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