Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
