I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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