im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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