I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
