this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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