I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
