I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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