p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
