The maid of honor just puked.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
