Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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