plz talk dirty to me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
