Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
