no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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