She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
last night I used snow as a chaser
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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