I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
