if i died would you start the facebook group?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
